Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.
Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.
Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.
Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Chuck Norris Facts#6
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.
Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
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