Chuck Norris Facts#7

Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.

Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks, "You want fries with that" because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't ever want fries with anything. Ever.

Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.

Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.

Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.


Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.


They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris kills all birds, with two stones. The ones in his pants.

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.


When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.