Chuck Norris Facts#23

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.

Kenny G is allowed to live because Chuck Norris doesn't kill women.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone.

Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.

If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read RIP, ripped into pieces.

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.


Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.

No matter what your mother always said, Chuck Norris can tune a fish.

Chuck Norris is '' The best a man can get ''

On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.

Scientists believe the world began with the "Big Bang". Chuck Norris shrugs it off as a "bad case of gas".

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.

Chuck Norris visits an active volcano every morning to get some of "the best damn espresso on Earth".

Chuck Norris eats eight meals a day. Seven are steak, and the last is the rest of the cow.

Chuck Norris does know what Willis is talking about!

Chuck Norris don't open no can of whoopass. He makes his own.